November 24th, 2005» Feeling a thousand feelings

- 6:56 pm

My mind is clouded with endless thoughts. No longer can I see what’s on my path. I need to stop procrastinating and settle down to think of what I am afraid to answer. Afterall, I am the one accounting for my deeds.

Trust me. I’ve tried everything. Staying out as much as possible? And feel double the pain I’ve evaded for the time I’m out enjoying myself when I return? Try not to think about it? And be slapped back to reality that things did happened, even if I try, no matter how hard, not to think about it, from time to time?

Yes, I feel ridiculous. I have committed what I hated to do. I also feel absurd to contradict myself over and over again. It’s that complex.

During the last few band practices, I’ve been playing nothing but rubbish. I feel that I can no longer concentrate, or to say couldn’t be bothered to, when doing anything, for now atleast. Maybe he is right that I tried too hard to control things that are beyond me and neglected things that are within my control afterall. I need to know my piorities and focus on it.

Life’s, as xinhui said, a race. Like it or not, we are in the race. With or without proper shoes, we still have to run. I hope it’s only a timeout that I need, to straighten out my thoughts and to iron out my doubts, and not that I’ve lost the will to carry on.

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